A Kevin Smith Doppleganger Visits the Old Set of Mall Rats

Ah. I woke up to the pitter-patter of a Friday morning in the rain. A perfect day for someone looking for things to do that make him feel like a kid again.

Play with worms!

Run around in the rain!

Jump in some puddles!

There were a few problem though. The rain here in Chaska USA wasn't enough to send worms running for the surface – just a brief shower. So when I took the dog out to do her business, my eyes scanned the driveway for thick, squirming night crawlers inching about, but it was empty. NUTS. So I figured, let's stand in the rain. Look up to the overcast sky and just let the rain pelt me all over – just like when I was little. Nothing. The rain had already stopped. As a matter of fact the only rain that hit me was a fat, suicidal drop that slid off the garage roof and hit me square between the eyes. NUTS. Puddles! Quick! Scan the streets! Are there any puddles left? Come on rain, don't fail me now! None. NUTS.

Bah! I need a backup plan. What am I going to do? Build a fort out of the sofa cushions, sock puppet show, bake cookies? I could feel the adult world squinching in on me. The kids needed pancakes. They need to get dressed. Dishes need to be done. Coffee needs to be made. We need to pack for the cabin. The dog needs food. Subway is giving out FREE breakfast today...how are we going to fit that in?

Then we got a phone call that changed the fate of my day. One of my wife's co-workers called (shout out to Heidi Miller) and needed her key to get into work. We need to bring her the key. I should focus on being a kid...need something for the blog. But I went anyway, lured into the car by the prospects of a FREE Subway breakfast sandwich with layers of black forest ham, egg whites, cheese, green peppers, onions and tomato. YUM. I must go to there.

So I went, figuring with all the adult stuff I had to get done today, I'd have no time to do anything remotely child-like (outside of my usual immature jokes and whining). We pulled into the Eden Prairie mall parking lot and there it was. The only way to describe its sheer beauty is to draw analogies to opening the Ark of the Covenant. It spoke to me. My eyes drew wide. A smile skittered across my face like a Batman villain. I might have even wrung my hands a bit before approaching it. The largest puddle I had seen since last year's ten inches of rain.

WOW!

Just when I thought all hope was lost for the day, there it was – a huge, ginormous puddle out in front of the mall that Kevin Smith, who ironically looks a lot like me actually, shot his film Mall Rats. I doubt the early mall goers thought they'd see a grown man trounce about in a puddle that morning while they walked by holding their Starbucks cups in their hands. I thought maybe they would see me stamping my feet in that puddle and think back to when they were kids and just how inviting and persuasive puddles tend to be. But they probably didn't.

Nevertheless, I puddle jumped this morning – have the wet tennis shoes and jean bottoms to prove it. I actually did it twice, once walking into the mall and a second time coming out of it. I also tramped in a smaller puddle at Subway afterward, but it wasn't as splendid. But I still recommend it.

Prior to puddle-jumping, my adult brain quickly went through a list of tasks or negative outcomes of the jumping – you'll have to dry your shoes in the dryer, pants too, you'll need new socks, those pretty ladies walking into Barnes & Noble will laugh, you might slip, you don't know where that water has been, was that an oil slick rainbow over there, the old mall-walkers will think you are dumb, your shoes smelled prior to this and now they'll smell worse...

On and on, my adult brain did everything in it's power to persuade me NOT to do this. And overcoming that instinct is what makes this experiment kind of exhilarating. I mean we have grown up to this point learning the consequences of our actions and we've become so saddled into avoiding those consequences that we miss out on the little things, the things that might just actually make us excited again.

So go out today and jump in a puddle!